“everything heals with time.”
is the biggest lie that i have ever heard.
the pain will leave once it has finished teaching you.
— Unknown.
ten years. t-e-n. 10.
some days it feels like 1000 years have passed. some days it feels like yesterday. but the truth is [ten years] have passed since my dad has passed on.
i am still not okay.
i thought that made me weak for a long time. sometimes i thought it made me stronger. i don’t really know what it makes me. caught in the middle? regardless, you need to know. i am still not okay. i am not “over” it. it has not gotten “better with time.” time has not healed my wounds. the pain has not left.
i’ve had ten years to process life without my dad. i have had ten years to get used to life without him being a phone call away. i have had ten years to make plans and reach goals without being able to tell him the good news. i have had ten years to cope with the pain of my dad never meeting my husband. i have had ten years to dread the thought that my baby would never meet his grandad or hear his contagious laughter. i have had ten years to never hear the words, “i love you, babygirl” ever again.
i have had ten years. but i am not okay.
i have had ten years to decide that i will never be okay. not ever.
but i am okay with that.
i am okay with the fact that i had 18 years + 11 months + 19 days with the most amazing father i could have ever dreamt of. i am okay with the fact that he taught me to be quick to listen and slow to speak. i am okay since i had a father to teach me to not sway from my faith. i am okay with the love that poured into my mother and my siblings and myself. i am okay with the outline provided when i began to look for my own husband. i am okay with being given the steps to follow as i become a parent myself. i am okay with realizing all the little things he taught me along the way. i am okay when those little lessons pop-up on a regular basis. i am okay knowing my dad is in heaven with our lord jesus. i am okay with that.
my pain will never leave.
it is still teaching me & will teach me for the rest of my life.
i know that now. and i am okay with it.
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BaskinTheLife 
Love you so much dear friend. So beautifully written!
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I absolutely love you!
Jay would be so proud of the daughter, sister, wife, mom, friend, teacher, that you are.
You’ve always been fiercely independent and a force to be reckoned with.
Noel, what a wonderful influence your dad was, is on you.
He is always with you. You’re right, the hurt never goes away. We just adapt and function as best we can. One thing you hold on to are those precious memories.
You were blessed to have had such a loving father♥️
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So beautifully said! Your daddy was the best! Love you Welly!
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Love you and am so proud of you! 😘
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This is so beautiful, Noel. ♥️
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So much love and so many sweet memories flowing from your still tender heart!! I wish I could have met your dad. Praise God for your unshakable faith and love for your family. I love your blog.
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I love this Noel. I lost my day ten years ago this May and I love the fact that you are allowing yourself to “not be ok” and yet “be ok” at the same time. We are both the babies of the family and there is just something about the baby and their daddy’s. Jay was a very special man to so many. And something different to each of you. And I love that you remembered him this way, just for today. Love being sent to you.
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